Bad parent.

Sheldon is growing up.

He's a year and a half old and he's starting to show his bad side. Like he's been wanting to hump things (like my mom's arm). My mom doesn't want to get him neutered because she sees it as a bad sin (it's a Buddhist thing). But lately he's been being really bad like he won't listen to any of my commands and when I tell him to stop barking or doing something he'll just bark back at me or ignore me completely.

Well he's been super clingy to my mom like whenever I leave her room and take him with me he, would bark and bark until I let him go. Then he'll run over to my mom's door and bark some more until I opened the door and let him in. Well lately it's like he's in heat or something because he's been trying to hump my mom's arm twice. Both times I had to pull him off and tell him no that's bad. He tried to do the same time to my leg once, but he hasn't tried to do it since. Anyways fast forward to tonight, Sheldon was with my mom and I was talking to her about something when Sheldon hopped on and started to hump my mom's arm. I read somewhere online of ways to get dogs to stop humping. Some of the suggestions were like using a spray bottle, yelping as if they're hurting you, and flicking the dog to stop. I didn't have a spray bottle and my mom was yelling and he wasn't stopping so I flicked him and I heard the loudest most painful cry I've ever heard out of Sheldon. I felt like the worst pet owner and that PETA was going to come into my house and get me for abusing my dog. Of course Sheldon stopped humping my mom and he just sat there with these sad eyes. My mom at first was like "WHY DID YOU DO THAT IT HURTS!" then afterwards she was like "He stopped, he learned his lesson now"

I just wanted to clear my conscience. I know in the end of the day he'll still love me and I'll still love him. I just hope he gets over this oversexed too much energy dog and start being the well behaved chill dog he is.

Fuck the High Road.

Just once I would like to show and tell everyone who have hurt me in the past years and not feel ashamed or sorry for it.

Womp Womp

I have to keep reminding myself that I should be grateful for the things I have. There's a roof over my head, food in the fridge, family who's there for me, and health insurance!

I feel like I'm 45 instead of 25, I haven't traveled the world, I've only been in 5 states, but I've jumped out of a plane and got a tattoo.

I've been to countless concerts and baseball games, gotten a hug from one of my favorite musicians and baseball players, but no boyfriend.

I told my dad I wanted to be a event/wedding planner and he just shook his head at me and gave me a look that said "you really want to do that with your life?" I've always done what my parents asked me to do, I've valued their opinions to the most and when I didn't want to dissapoint them I've always done what they said. With the exception of the tattoo and hanging out with the ex-best friends who pretty much helped me ruin a good 3 semesters in college. I'm barely coming back from the lack of concentration I had during that time. It's those wrong decisions I made that put me in this predicament right now.

It all started with accounting. If I passed the first time I would have been done in 2008 then I would have probably gone to something else instead of staying at Starbucks where they let me go over a policy misunderstanding.

My mom said that 25 is a scary time in Thai beliefs...it's the crossroad of where you go from child to adult. It's where you'll know if you'll be living the good life or taking hits and blows in the bad life.

Things were going good for me when I turned 25, but I seriously think 26 is going to kick my ass.

No more advice from you please

I'm so sick of certain people giving me job advice right now. Especially since these people are unemployed themselves and think they know what it takes to get a job right now.

Yeah let me see you use your "knowledge" and get a job first. I mean it must be working for you since you don't actually have a job at this moment and you've been receiving many "Thank you, but we've decided to pursue other applicants" calls and emails.

Yes I would like a job right now, yes I'm looking for one, no I haven't heard back from these employers. What am I doing wrong here? Can people sense the sadness in my resume? Are they seeing me as some depressed girl who got fired over something petty? I mean if I can't get a part time job as a barista then I don't know why I can't get a job right now. I'm at my wits end right now and I really don't know what to do next. I'm getting pressured by family to find something and right now because they think I sit on my ass all day and do nothing.

A certain person told me to go look for jobs at Cache Creek because lots of jobs opened up. So I checked it out...this place is roughly a two hour drive from my house to there one way. That's kind of far for me, but I won't complain because I know people who have longer commutes than that and they take public transportation. But anyways the jobs they have opened are for golf pros and well...I'm not where close to being a golf pro. They also have jobs that I'm qualified for, but they're part time positions and I just don't think the commute is worth working 15-25 a week. When I mentioned this to the person they said, "If there is a will there is a way". Well my will doesn't want to work $10 an hour and spend 4-5 hours driving to a job.

It sounds like I'm making excuses and I hate that about myself. What's the point of writing if it's going to make me feel like shit with what I have to say. I give up...I am a nobody with nothing going for myself.

I'm not ready to grow up

Can we pause time for a while so I can figure out what the heck I'm suppose to be doing.