I suck at keeping friends.
There is no way around it and I don't know how to fix it. My parents didn't really have a lot of friends...well they used to and then all of a sudden everyone stopped coming by our house for parties and stuff.
I guess its because my dad hates people...not all people, just the people who isn't like him. I mean people who aren't as smart and have the same amount of common sense as him and to him thats less than 1% of the whole world's population. Growing up he always made sure that my brother, my cousin, and I weren't going to be some brainless idiot, he'd always play devil's advocate and try to make us stand up for what we believed in. He pushed this belief onto my and not so much on my brother and cousin. I feel like he put the most pressure on me and goddammit I feel like a failure. Like nothing I do is enough for everyone and they're all just expecting me to know what to do like I'm the one with all the answers.
So now here I am...about to turn 24 and feeling like I'm still 15 being insecure with myself and just socially awkward...unless alcohol is involved then I feel like I should be the responsible one and not drink because I don't want any of my friends to go out and do something stupid. I need change and maybe moving back to LA and going to Law School down there would be more beneficial. I mean at least I'll be in a more familiar area, but I'll be doing something new and scary. Plus I could probably rebuild those friendships with people I had when I was in elementary and middle school. I even heard some of the people I went to school down in LA actually teach at my old middle school.
But I digress...I just need a new start somewhere.
