Work has consumed my life.

Being a manager of a restaurant is no fun at all. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. Just when things are going well, I get blind sided with someone quitting on a week’s notice or we get slammed with online and over the counter orders. They talk about having a work life balance, but for me it’s all work. I want to take time off, but I know things are just going to go to shit because I have people on my team who don’t get along and they all too stubborn to see the bigger picture. I know I’m too soft and too nice. I assume that people know what to do, but I see why people stopped coming to my store. It’s like no one knows what they’re doing and no one is taking a lead. I should be a leader, but I don’t feel like one. I don’t think I’m the right person for this. I really wish I had a desk job. I would kill to have a 9-5 and not be working 6am to 6pm Monday through Friday. I’m writing this right now because I don’t want to think about what orders I should get a courier for. I want to be able to leave work at work. That would be nice.

182.5

Half a year is about to pass and I'm still stuck.

So Ashamed.

I'm so ashamed of myself. Things went down at work and pretty much my opener is mad at me, she feels that I betrayed her.

I give up.

Baby steps to normal...baby steps to normal.

This year hasn't been the best, but little moments in between has made it fun.

I'm finally taking the first steps to take care of myself and I want to continue that for my resolution in 2012. If the world is going to end, then I want to make sure that I'm completely happy with myself. It's the least I could do.

What I'm Thankful For: The 2011 Edition

This year I'm thankful for the following:

My family
My friends
My job
My co-workers
My car still running even though everything else is falling apart on it.
My iPhone & iPad
The ability to wake up and enjoy the day.

I really have to remind myself that people like/love me. I don't know why I always feel like I'm being a burden on others. It hit me last night that people do care and I need to stop pushing them away. I don't know what it is about me.

Last night after work, we went and met up with some co-workers and my manager (awkberg). During one of the many conversations I over hear him saying in the back of his mind he knows he can talk me into doing anything. I heard this and said "really?" and he goes "is that a challenge?" and I freak out and go "no challenge" but in my mind I know he could talk me into doing anything and I kind of hate myself for it. I don't want to be one of those girls who does whatever a guy says.

When someone says they need to talk to you, but aren't ready to talk to you yet...wtf is that suppose to mean?!?